10 to 1 Type Jawn

Saw this and wanted to take part:


TEN things I wish I could say to ten different people (but don’t say their names)

1. I am immensely proud of the person you are growing to become. Don't let anybody tell you that your best isn't good enough, because you have showed all of us that you are the master of your own [progressive] destiny. Keep growing on the right path, and know that you can talk to me about ANYTHING.

2. I worry about you because you fall in love SO easily. You always ask me to evaluate the next one, and I don't know what to say anymore because in "x" months, you'll be on to the next one. And it's not that you don't love them, because you do. You love them truly and deeply - and that's why I worry about you.

3. The older I get, the more I miss you, even though it usually works the other way around.

4. I will always love you because of who you are to me, but I don't know how much I like you because of everything you have taken from me.

5. I really shouldn't even waste this point on you, BUT. I think we could have possibly, maybe had something. And we ruined it. You ruined it by not being ready and me? I was overzealous. Do I thing there is a 2nd chance for us? Not really....but maybe you'll surprise me one day.

6. You are amazing. You're funny, loyal and SCRAPPY as all get-out. You're about your business and about the family. You always look out for me and I'm trying to do the same for you. I'm blessed to know you and I'm glad we are getting closer because I know that you're someone I want to have around. YOU have made the cut for people to keep around in 2010.

7. YOU have not [made the cut, that is]

8. Some days I miss you, and some days I think it's better that we don't really talk anymore. You know that saying "some people are meant to be with you for life, and some for only a season?" Yea...I still wonder which one you were meant to be. I see you trying to get your life together, and it makes me so happy to know that I was apart of that. But then sometimes you slip and it's like your in more trouble that you started out in. I want you to be the person I know you can be, but you can't make anybody believe anything if they don't believe themselves.

9. I still can't believe you are trippin off of this petty shit. Like really? The funny thing is, if you actually gave me a chance to apologize...or at least EXPLAIN, you would understand. And you'd probably feel a little stupid for creating this huge gap in what once was a friendship. Smh...all over some words that I didn't even mean. And yes, I am at fault, and I do apologize for what I said. But please don't stand there and act innocent and guiltless because we both know that's false. I don't hold grudges like you do, but I'm also not about rekindling friendships that people so willingly throw away. Think about it.

10. The best kind of friend is the one that you don't need to talk to everyday. The one that you can catch up with and it's like you never STOPPED talking. The one who knows how I'm feeling from across the block. That's the kind of friend you are. And I love you for it. You're completely selfless. And whereas in most of my relationships, I'm the one who is always giving, in ours, it's the opposite. I'm going to make more time for you. Promise.

NINE things about myself

1. I like to do everything myself. This is a problem, but there is a reason why I am this way, and if you are able to figure that out, it means that you're probably a true friend.

2. I'm in love with the idea of love. Do I actually believe in love? Mehh....ask me in 5 years.

3. People tell me that I'm "intimidating." To that I say, STEP YOUR GAME UP!

4. There have been signs. Workings. Writings on the wall, if you will. And so, I answer them saying "I will write, I will sing, I will dance, I will act." Maybe not full-time, maybe not as a career move. Maybe just at Brownstone in Brooklyn or various open mics in Manhattan. But I will create & perform =)

5. The only thing better than music is Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Ice Cream.

6. I'm not afraid of death. Well...I'm less scared of death than I am of the affect my death would have on those I left behind. Conceited? I don't really think so. I just know that I have invested a lot in most of my relationships...and I think that a loss on those investments would really hurt.

7. It kind of annoys me when Black women with straight hair ask, "how do you get your hair like that?" My instinctive answer is "it grows this way." Now usually, that's not the whole truth because you gotta wash and condition and twist and blah blah blah. But really...that is the simple answer. If you REALLY wanted, your hair could look just like mine. It would probably look better.

8. There is nothing more cowardly [to me] than a traitor. Someone who is disloyal. A snitch, if you will. iCant. iWont. Please stay away.

9. I like the person I see in the mirror. That came with time and growth. But mostly time.

EIGHT ways to win my heart

1. Accept me for who I am, but don't be afraid to help me work through my faults. Nobody's perfect

2. Be who you are, but be open to letting me help you work through your faults. Nobody's perfect

3. Be passionate about something. Anything good. It doesn't have to be music, or any other type of performance art. Just have a fire in your spirit about something worthwhile.

4. Have an innate desire to be something great. A great worker. A great father. A great lover. Doesn't really matter - just don't be content with being average. Is that asking too much...? Seriously. As I wrote it I realized it might be asking for too much...but I don't think it is *Kanye shrug*

5. Be patient.

6. Don't be afraid to do the little things. Those are the things that matter the most. I love the little things. I promise to appreciate them.

7. Surprise me. And I'm not talking about gifts. Be spontaneous. Let's travel. Let's build something together.

8. Be honest with me. Even if you're telling me something I don't want to hear. Respect me enough to tell me the truth.

SEVEN things that cross my mind a lot

1. Family. Why isn't this as simple as my blood line? Who is family and who is not and why.

2. Music. Lyrics. Melodies. What does it mean when a song has been on repeat for days.

3. My future. How successful I will be. Trying to remember that it's about helping others, and not about making a disgusting amount of money, although I want to do both.

4. Columbia and how much I don't like it here. Yet how I don't think I'd be any happier anywhere else.

5. Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated. How I can be a better Delta for myself, my sisters and my community.

6. Who will remember me when I'm gone? My kids? My country? The world?

7. Those who are already gone.

SIX random things I wanted to mention

1. This note didn't seem as long when I was reading Jessica's smh. Lol. But I hope those who read will enjoy it...and with that I continue.

2. I've heard a lot of people say that love is pain. I don't believe that. I think all the triflin stuff that often comes with love is painful, but love in and of itself is never painful and has nothing to do with pain. Even when you sacrifice for someone you love, it's a different kind of pain, I think there's another word for it but I'm drawing a blank.

3. I hate my current job. I think I should be doing something more career-oriented. Or something that actually required me to use my brain. But I am grateful to have a job in these hard economic times.

4. I still stand behind our President. People expect great things to happen overnight. That's not how it works.

5. If all things go as planned, I will have to choose between an internship in NYC, Paris or the World Cup in South Africa for Summer 2010 and I REALLY don't know which one I would choose. =/ My mind says INTERNSHIP...duh! But my heart says World Cup...I'm still hoping I have options though.

6. Chicken Pad Thai is great.

FIVE people who mean so much to me (in no particular order)
1. You
2. All
3. Matter
4. To
5. Me

FOUR things I'm wearing right now
1. T-Shirt.
2. Scarf.
3. Sweats.
4. Earrings.

THREE songs that I listen to often (at the moment)

1. "Somalia" K-NAAN
2. "I'd Do It All Again" Corinne Bailey Rae
3. "Don't Know What To Tell Ya" Aaliyah

TWO things I want to do before I die
1. Get married once. Love that person unconditionally, mutually, beautifully, and grow old with him.
2. Perform in front of a large audience. 1000+. And have them LOVE me lol.

ONE : CONFESSION
I think too much. I used to be the kind of person who just DID. Who just lived her life. But now I'm responsible for other people. I represent more than just myself. Sometimes I do want to go back to just living and doing without consequence. I think a certain amount of that is healthy in life.